Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
