Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
