All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
