he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
