Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
