I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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