i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
