I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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