I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
