I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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