We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
