Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
