Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
