Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I don't deserve a penis
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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