You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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