I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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