she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I think I died a long time ago.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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