There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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