I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
