____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I didn't notice because vodka
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
