chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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