Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
