so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Too much gin, very little bucket
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
