True but thats because hes a fetus.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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