His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
