She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
