I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I have post one night stand depression
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
