Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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