wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
