Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
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