I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
