careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
