i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Someone shattered a urinal.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
