last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
