i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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