I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I have tasted many bathrooms
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
