Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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