I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize