he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
