i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize