garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
