I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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