yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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