You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize