8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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