Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
