the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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