I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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