You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Randomize
