considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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