just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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