what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
