Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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