I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Randomize
