you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
