I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
