Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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