You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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