today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
