He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
