I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
