you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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