Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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