the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
