Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
