it was like his penis was on wheels.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
