She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
