Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize