I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
