i dont even know how to be here
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
