all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
