Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
