I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
