i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
