We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
