I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
