Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
