I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
