6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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