Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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