hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
