Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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