I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
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