I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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