i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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