nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
