I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Randomize
