Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
