How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
sex in a hospital.. check
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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