I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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