friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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