i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?Â
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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