so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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