one two three fourrrrnication!
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
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