Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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