i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
