I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
