As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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