my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
