First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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