Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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