you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
