So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize