I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
